Wrote this a few years ago.message is still the same...
Mama loved me pops left me….those are the only lyrics I remember off Jay’s song…
Today…of all days it seems most appropriate
Honey I’m pregnant..
Talk talk talk…
Buying pampers..buying the crib…buying baby food
Visits to the hospital…convulsions…
Back pain..breast pain..abdominal pain
Big belly..stretch marks…constant hunger
Cause feeding two people at once
Complications at the hospital
‘he might not make it..it’s gonna be him or his mom’
‘then let him live..’she says without hesitation
Ignoring my dads helpless puppy eyes
Push push push
I’m kicking in her belly
I’m screaming too…
Caesarean it is..cause I’m too big
I’m too big cause she overfed me…
She overfed me cause she overloved me…..
I come out…months later I am outdoored
Apple sauce…breast milk…vitamins…the best baby food possible at my disposal
She cleaned my ass…rocked me to sleep
And sucked the mucus out of my nose when it was blocked and I couldn’t breathe
Years on …she took me to school…the best she could find
At the same time she took me to church..the best she could find
Then she got me clothes..the best she could afford
Then she prayed for me day and night
Like that Kid Cudi track
Day and night
She thought for me and about me
Then when I got big enough to blow my own nose
Wipe my own ass
Tie my own shoelaces
And cook my own food
I turned around and threw everything she gave me out the window
I said..’I’m a grown ass man’
So easily forgetting that I am not amoeba and did not reproduce myself…
Arguing with her over the littlest thing
Picking my friends over her
Calling her old school..an old hag
Pause pause pause..
It sounds terrible the things I say right??
Some of u think I would never do this to my mom
So I ask you WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR YOUR MOM?
I gently remind you that there are two different types of sins
The sin of commission..which is when u blatantly tell her to piss off
And the sin of omission…when you hear her crying…see the pain in her eyes…
And then walk away like nothing ever happened
When Boys 2 men be playing you be singing ‘mommma I love u’ cause u know the words
…forgetting that love is an ACTION verb..not a passive verb
Talk is cheap…
Momma im sorry for everything I ever did…
I know you only want the best and gave me the best you could
So many jobs ..chances to kick it with your friends..meet new men..u turned em all down
Cause u loved me..
Momma I’m sorry
As of today..everyday is mother’s day
Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; so that it may go well for you, and that you may have a long life on the earth
Friday, May 10, 2013
I often look back at the first 22 years of my life with a tinge of regret. I ask myself..what was I doing? Dang it! Like I woke up..went to school..church etc..followed societal norms of a teenager etc but what was I doing? I don’t dwell too hard on it because I do not have many remarkable stories to tell from that era. Well there was that one time I was 16 and got into an altercation with a police officer at a school party…he was searching everybody for a stolen camera and I thought he was searching a bit too…’passionatley’ and I shoved him out of the way…5 fingers have not met a face so fast…basically he slapped me…At the time I lost it and …sigh..
Now I think about it I wonder what a foolish, obnoxious kid I was..I think about how I disrespected this man..who was probably a husband, a father, a hustler..a dude tryna pay his bills…sigh
Even now as I approach 30 I look back in recent years and wonder what was I doing when I was working in the corporate world. What was I really doing? Hmm…it kind of saddens me but this morning I spoke to Papa Tumi and I felt a little better. Papa is a decade younger than me..almost..but I am shy to call him my little brother. He is smaller in build, and younger but that would demean him. To me, Papa is well on his way to making a significant difference in the world, whichever industry he finds himself in. Ramzi Yamusah is another guy…another guy altogether. Whenever I meet up with them it is refreshing to know that there are some people who care enough about the state of things, and are pacing themselves at this fundamental stage to change the way things are done in the world. These boys are not my ‘little brothers’ or ‘nephews’ (Snoop Dogg accent)
Papa told me it was ok to be where I am now..that I am supposed to be there..infact Papa said ‘ The person who has a false start runs harder than those ahead of him,’
I interpreted my current situation as a one that ‘enabled me to relate to the niggas on the street..and the suits on wall street,’
Wherever you are is wherever you are supposed to be. Make the most out of it.
Shout out to my classmates who were ahead of their time mentally…Seiwaa Opare , Nana Menya, Mo Fattal, Dr. Kaku Kermah, Dr. Naomi Adjepong
Shout out to all young future leaders Papa, Ramzi ,Sangu ,John Armah wherever you are.
Posted by Unknown at 2:25 AM